"Carrot and Stick?" no "Tart and Sugary"

Being given a surprise Bday cake (my own bit of sugar!)

I want to be a good rider so much I am now considering its time for my husband to loose interest in his guitars and start selling them to create a much bigger riding fund.  Like that’s going to happen! He’s as equally crazy about music as I am about horses. And there we strike a pretty beautiful balance, because we don’t intrude on one another, we encourage we show a level of interest and when push comes to shove we actually stand in the wings and support with some zeal. “Yeah go you” and all that!

We are honest we are never going to be fanatical about each others passions but we do appreciate how much they mean to us.. That’s as far as it goes, and why I need other equally horse crazy folk who share my interest with the commensurate passion. I know when I get with the “girlies” as Meg calls us, that we can talk the hind leg off a donkey about horses and we will all enjoy it. I need to be circumspect with others I know because when Phil starts going on about his woofers, tweeters and reverb (sound effects or tools I think) I start to glaze over.

Its all about balance which is lot like being with and riding horses Physical balance in the saddle and balance of approach and demands. I am learning that the horses need a balance of sugar lumps and firm leadership to give them the confidence to allow themselves to be in synch with their riders requests /aids. Last time I shared one of Spirits first schooling sessions with Hayley (see last post). This week I was able to capture Hayley working with him and his nervousness about having the bridal on and how she overcame this and will continue to school him to get better and better.

the most wonderful setting to ride and talk horse

I am definitely on a journey of self discovery through the quest to ride and those around me are helping me juggle with the ups and downs of the challenges I face. Providing “sugar lumps” of encouragement and constructive direction in equal measure. That includes the “girlies”  and the horses.

This week they surprised me with a lovely lunch Meg made a fab leek Quiche (Tart ) and  they gave me a cake (my own sugar lump) on my birthday. It was so wonderful in a prefect setting being able to ride and talk horse endlessly, thanks ladies. 

Meg dishes out the wonderful Tart(Quiche) Chrissie looks on Yum Yum

I feel quite an affinity with Spirit, although he is a gangly teenager and I am an aging old bird, we still need our instructors balanced guidance and with the same measure of   “Sugary and Tart” to develop.
This week you can see how  with careful schooling Spirit is making progress he is more accepting when being mounted. Hayley explained that once he was obviously relaxed she had to be sure he didn't start playing a game with her around the mounting block. He is clearly relaxed!!!! and she therefore felt able to adopt a firmer approach, in tone and body language. I know all about that Spirit "control yourself woman" thats Hayley to me on one of my bumpier landings.

Alison x

Trust me I am going to sit on you

If you must know I lost one pound this week, well now I am disappointed I have worked so hard, been swimming, walking and had three rides! Moan over back to it the only way is down. I am intent on sticking to it and being lighter for my dear old Oscar, or whoever else Hayley puts me on. In an earlier post I hinted that as well as loosing weight there were six other things I needed to, get a grip of, which riding helps me with. One of the other things is quite major really its” inner peace”.    

This week as well as riding at the stables I have been hanging about generally like some groupie after a rock concert! Although I have had a busy time elsewhere I wanted to soak up the atmosphere, it really is good for the soul.

Hayley has just taken over a 6 year old 17h beautiful black gelding, called Spirit and although broken to ride he has quite a lot of issues which have built up over the years.  Spirit is therefore very much a horse after his own name. I have been watching Hayley in some schooling sessions with him. Its captivating, I am sure she could lead me round by the nose, if she wanted to, oh I think she does!

He is a big gangly teenager with a lot of power and emotion and not enough training something which could be, I suspect a potentially dangerous combination. Actually getting on him has proven one of the first challenges and although he has started to settle down, with Hayley, when I filmed him this week you can still see the, edginess and nerves. It’s amazing what can be achieved with patients and taking things slowly, building on success.

I for one can be extremely impatient with myself and others. In my lessons I want to go, from this to that quickly, still like a bull at a gate. This week Hayley was asking me to take my time collect myself, as much as Oscar, give him an idea of what I wanted from him before I asked and get set up for the next instruction. It’s a great metaphor for how I am with others. I often start my conversations in the middle of a sentence and then have to go back and unravel the confusion. I need to paint a picture, lay down an over view and invite people to join me in my vision. For years I behaved like my dear  husband was a mind reader. I can tell you he is not and even with quite explicit instruction he still looks at me with that quizzical look and raised hands and asks, ”what?”

Its not just about being explicit it’s also about building an understanding, a trust between you that what you ask for is ok. When you achieve something together it’s reinforced as a good thing and mistakes are let go. How often do we allow each other that type of unconditional love?

The times Hayley has suggested the same things, to me, don’t rise so high, heels down, shoulders back, think contact, soft with the hands, the list is, I am afraid, endless.  Does she ever betray any tone of exasperation? No because if she did, I would shrink and she wants me to grow. The same with Spirit, he needs someone he can place his trust in, completely. As Hayley says he wants to be sure if he is busy working for her with his head down, she will be looking out for the Lions, who might want to eat him.  

I think after all the years of work and pressure my spirit was a bit dented and bruised and I coped by trying to always stay in control, watching out for them Lions! Like Spirit I now have the right opportunity to relax and trust those around me to take care of threats, while I invest in rebuilding myself body and soul.

How Welcome you would be!

Because I ride in the week, I have never been up to the Stables on a Saturday before.  I went this morning because I just couldn’t wait until Monday, Oh, things are getting bad! It will be every day next.

The atmosphere at the yard was different, there were more people around than usual, you know those little people, children. They clearly knew their way around horses. They were happily getting on with tasks, chatting and handling the ponies with ease.

Toby, on trial, he's beautiful

I joined a Saturday morning regular (adult) and we had a good lesson, the new horse “Toby” was brought in and joined us with “Jim” (Jemima) one of the young girls riding him. Hayley has him on trial. So far she has had his back “done” lunged him and sorted out his saddle, etc... This was his first session with other horses in the school. Jim looked so tiny on his back, yet handled him beautifully.

Hayley said that if Toby worked out he would be my next “challenge” 17 hands of muscle. Wow, just when I was feeling “comfy” with Oscar, Hayley’s talking about the next stretch!

As we finished our lesson the group of children led their ponies down for theirs and I watched them for a while. They were so good, honestly they put me to shame. I certainly wouldn’t be worthy of riding alongside them, I have the grace of an elephant with clogs on! It was very humbling to watch them gliding around the school.

I give myself a pat on the back just for trying. (Hayley would say I am very trying, of course). It’s easy to dream and let opportunities pass you by, worrying you will fail or look silly. But I can’t express how much finally doing this has meant to me. I really don’t care if I look silly, why should I? That is liberating, not to be so self conscious. Its not entirely ego less as there is a battle going on of course. The little girl craving attention comes out, when I get it right, “look at me.”  What am I like? Still I feel in the main I have surrendered to the task and loose myself in it.

Humility is good for the soul and not being good at something and having to take instruction even better. Children, on the whole expect to be shown how to do things and accept new ideas readily. I had got to the age when I was used to knowing what I was doing and “showing” others how to do “stuff.” Perhaps as we get older we get less  comfortable accepting direction. Is that why dreams stay just that? I don’t want to sound arrogant, in suggesting I can inspire others, I just want to share this, because I have discovered it’s good to challenge yourself, good to fail and pick yourself up and eventually succeed at something difficult.

Getting over a threshold can be the hardest part, of starting anything new and if you want to start riding but feel held back. I want to put a smart boot to your behind and push you over the doorstep.  Don’t feel daunted you will be welcomed with open arms.

 (PS finding an  accredited riding centre in your area is easy search  Association of British Horse Riding)

Alison

Me, Myself, I

My pursuit of my love of horses is all the sweeter for the wait.  It is itself a whole wonderful experience but also is an analogy for how I try to live my “retired” life, after moving to the “country”.

The choices I made in the past were good bad and indifferent, but they are done now in the past. There isn’t a fat lot I can do about it now. There is however some constants, which still invade my daily life, like bad smells.

This is my before picture, no need for a bikini to see the problem!

There are about seven things, (more later) which I think are probably common to all of us the first one that springs to mind is, my weight. It may not really be at the top of the list priority wise, but sadly it’s the first that pops up.

I am not alone in my passion/obsession/ love of horses what psychologists make of this phenomenon, I don’t know but I think I am going to research it. Loving horses like I do, has made me think of the poor horse when I get on it. Now if you have been reading? You will know I worried about this from the start. (September 2011).

 I thought upping my activity (riding) and”watching” what I ate would do the trick, great, sorted! Love the riding and it is great exercise and love watching my food, yum yum, but I can tell you it’s had no affect on my weight. In fact I put nine pounds on. Can you believe it?

So now I have faced up to it, got on the Wii and did a body test. Uh, oh, first time since last summer. Its pathetic really isn’t it. If its important and I care about the horses back why didn’t I do something immediately instead of living on the banks of De Nile?

I am determined now to do something and writing this and posting it on the internet is a clear way of demonstrating my commitment. The key motivating factor is riding, I want to be a good rider so much, be as kind as possible to the horse I ride and enjoy riding as much as possible. To do this I need to loose, wait for it, three stones, according to the graph at the doctors, but I will settle for 2 ½  stones, but no less.

Its OK  Flaire, soon I will be a lot easier on your back

I want to big up, Meg the head groom at Redbrook, she is my inspiration, not only has she done it herself very successfully. But she had the tact and diplomacy to broach the subject with me in a very compassionate constructive way, hence jumping on the Wii. Thank you Meg you are a star. What a team Hayley the Instructor from heaven , patients of a saint. and Meg a friend/coach at the yard

So I have started, with Slimfast in the first instance for about a month I think to get going and then I will segue into a longer term healthy eating plan. Wish me luck.

My question is though if I can do this, finally, for the horses I love, why couldn’t I do it for me?

Alison x

Forget swimming with dolphins

  

Yesterday I was unexpectedly alone at home in the morning. Usually not a problem I like my own space and getting on with chores, or not, as the case maybe without the hindrance of him indoors is bliss.

However on this occasion I had agreed for the “guys” to come and “do the snag list”, to finish off our newly fitted kitchen. I didn’t think too much about it because I would leave  the “liaison” to my beloved. I planned to go horse riding at 10.30 and to be extra productive squeeze in giving a cupboard a coat of paint before leaving.

Unfortunately having committed to this course of action, Phil had to leave me to it. He said he’d be at the end of a phone. How was that supposed to help?

Well I started painting giving myself plenty of time to finish and clean my brushes and tidy up, which I like to do, ready for the next coat. But the guys didn’t arrive until quarter to ten, I was half way through painting and then they had questions, where’s this where’s that. “In the garage” I told them “look I have to finish this get changed and get to the stables” Stress notches started to turn in my belly. I am not used to multi tasking anymore, I live a quiet life, Urhh!

Anyway I phoned my helpful husband who was indeed at the end of the phone but all he could say was” Its all in the garage” , “Yes I told him I said that but where exactly?” The garage is a no go area for me and might as well have a big no entry sign on the door.

Well then, my less than ebullient husband started going on about why I had arranged for them to come when he wasn’t there. The screw turned some more steam started seeping out of my ears. I had explained I had exactly 3 minutes to wash my brushes change my clothes agree how the “guys” would lock up and that also included zipping my chaps on which can be a fiddle.

I wanted to tell him, quite loudly yes I wanted to shout at him, that when I arranged it he was supposed to be here, but he had changed his plans blah blah, but I didn’t have time. So because my helpful husband on the “end of the phone” could not actually help me at all, I clicked the red phone.  He was gone, If only it was that easy! I can hear you all thinking, naughty!. I don’t do this usually and it is very rude but Hey ho I was going riding and come rain shine, bloody workmen or unhelpful husbands I was going out the door, gone.

 With the rush I actually arrived at the stables a bit earlier than usual, warp speed all the way! My stress levels were through the roof, something was trying to get between me and my precious time with Oscar and being shouted at, I mean guided brilliantly by the ever wonderful Hayley. Oh bother how’s this going to work, you’re supposed to be calm and relaxed riding a horse because they can sense when you are tense, right?

You know by the time I had given him a light brush and tacked him up I was much calmer. By the time I swung my leg up and over his back I was floating on cloud 9. Forget swimming with dolphins. If you want to feel at peace get close to a horse

Alison x